


Break With the Ones You've Followed

by patientalien



Series: Tell Them You're Never Coming Back [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dark, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-24
Updated: 2012-11-24
Packaged: 2017-11-19 08:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/571476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patientalien/pseuds/patientalien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>post-RotS AU, snapshots of banishment</p>
            </blockquote>





	Break With the Ones You've Followed

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually based on my fic without granting innocence. Kind of... the other side of the coin. Title from "How to Save a Life" by the Fray
> 
> Warning(s): Very bleak material ahead, might be triggering for SI, depression, PTSD, suicide, character death, etc.

The silence is maddening. Obi-Wan has not spoken since their ship departed for exile. He has plenty to say, plenty he wants to scream at his companion, plenty of blame and hurt and confusion thrown together in a toxic whorl in his gut. Anakin, though, does not seem responsive to much of anything, so Obi-Wan knows his cries will go unheeded. He tries to release his misery into the Force; it helps, but not enough.

\-----

They had told Anakin he was free to find employment, but Anakin can barely get out of bed. Obi-Wan, always so frugal, always so careful, has the savings from his Jedi stipend, enough to keep them comfortable, so Anakin sinks deeper into the blankets and screams in the dark.

\-----

Obi-Wan takes care of both of them. He feels like they are Master and Padawan again, but he knows the feeling is a lie. Anakin has chosen another Master, and even if he has denounced his allegiance with the Sith after mere hours as their servant, Obi-Wan still feels like he is living with a stranger. There is nothing to say, so they both keep their silence, punctuated by Anakin's breathy sobs in the middle of the night.

\-----

The HoloNet is a blessing and a curse. Each day the death toll grows higher, each day they read of the names of Jedi who have been newly lost. Obi-Wan can't watch, though Anakin spends hours with the projections, curled in on himself. Obi-Wan isn't sure if he is ashamed, or proud, of the destruction he's wrought.

\-----

He gets his answer. The 'fresher door is unlocked, but Obi-Wan supposes in hindsight he should have knocked. Anakin crouches beside the toilet, blood is everywhere. He looks up at Obi-Wan with fear and unfathomable pain in his bright blue eyes, razor blade poised over his flesh arm. Obi-Wan's barked-out disbelief (What are you DOING?) are the first words he has spoken in ages.

\-----

He doesn't know what to do with the new-found knowledge of Anakin's coping mechanism. And worse, part of him wants Anakin to hurt, to suffer the way he had made the Younglings suffer, Padme, and Ahsoka, and the babies and so many Jedi on so many worlds. His guilt at those angry feelings gnaws at him, he tries to make it better by initiating conversation, but it does not help.

\-----

The days smear together. They rarely leave their small house; Obi-Wan gets supplies every other week, but Anakin accompanies him very infrequently. Obi-Wan realizes with a start one morning that he has no idea how long they have been here, and how much longer they will have to endure.

\-----

He's not sure where Anakin gets the alcohol, but it seems to take the place of the injury, off and on. Obi-Wan is past the point of wanting to see Anakin in pain, past the point of anger or grief. He has become numb to his own feelings, and instead feels through Anakin. Anakin's feelings are terrifying.

\-----

Anakin's whiskey-numbed hands slip in the 'fresher, cut too deeply, the blade skipping across the bone of his wrist. The Force healing Obi-Wan employs brings them closer together than they have been in ages, an intimacy Obi-Wan barely remembers that they once shared. He can't stop himself, kisses away Anakin's humiliated, frustrated tears. When Anakin returns the attention, clutching at Obi-Wan's tunics, entwining their limbs, Obi-Wan realizes this will complicate things entirely too much; they are here because he allowed his attachment to Anakin to blind him. He will not let it happen again. He pushes away and leaves Anakin alone.

\-----

Obi-Wan can see Anakin is dying. Little by little, he is withdrawing into himself, disappearing from the galaxy as he fades into the background. Obi-Wan knows this was never what Anakin wanted, that neither of them ever wanted to have the end dictated by forces outside of their control. Obi-Wan considers, and makes his choice.

\-----

Anakin seems relieved by the plan, and swallows the poison like a shot of namana, no questions, no protestations. Just glad to be going out on his own terms - on their terms - nestled comfortably in Obi-Wan's arms. 


End file.
